All characters in this write up are absolutely fictitious. Any resemblance in real life is either unintentional or in the spirit of playful mischief. Maybe they are prophetic too.
Here’s something I intend saying to my wife on our wedding night. I hope you enjoy it.
-Eld. Jedidiah Appiah
Maame!!!! I can’t believe you’re still laughing at me just because I gbaa when saying the vows. You naa, you know I spent 6 good years in Kumasi. In all the things I said today, the only mistake I made was “lawfurry wedded wife”. Considering my background, you should be grateful that was the only thing I said.
You naa, you know that I’m eloquent, fluent and confident. Today I was just tense, and it was all your fault!!! Like how could you do that to me? You looked sssttttuuuunnnniiiinnngggg!!! When I first set my eyes on you today, hmmm… Your smooth dark skin beautifully contrasting against the white gown, your modestly exposed shoulders, your curves and all your edges; you literally took my breath away. I guess I wasn’t prepared for it.
Suddenly I just wanted the wedding to be over so we rush here and get into this wrestling ring! But as fate would have it, we got here late and after the time we spent in prayer, we are both too exhausted for any meaningful intimacy.
Where have you been all my life??? Like seriously I could strangle you right now! You made me spend a huge chunk of my youth wondering if so many ladies were the right ones! The number of heartbreaks I have endured! Wait wait, relax! You were my 1st girlfriend. Lol. But many times, I set my eyes on other ladies, wondering if they were the ones and hoping for a relationship with them. But it wasn’t to be and the realisation of that truth was difficult. In my 4th year, I thought I had lost the strength to love. Then you came along!
But you too, you were another package of trouble! See how you made me struggle before you gave me your number. And when you finally gave it, see how you were blue ticking me on whatsapp! Plus you were in another country so it was extra difficult and you were always saying your husband should be fair, tall, muscular, strong enough to be able to carry you.
In fact, you told me I was disqualified because I was a church boy, and church boys are boring. Aahhh! See your life! Why did you put me through such torment? I bore sef! Me dier, I wanted to walk away, but chale, the feelings were too strong. Later, I realised they weren’t just feelings, but convictions of the Holy Spirit. Yeah yeah yeah, Holy Ghost talk on your wedding night. That’s what you get. )twea!!!
Lol, but seriously, I owe you an apology Maame Akua. In the period of my youth, although physically I kept my virginity for you, in my heart, I went after other women. I spent a lot of evenings thinking about other ladies, imagining a future with them. I thought it was harmless, no one was getting hurt but ever since we got together, I have felt so guilty and ashamed that I couldn’t present a virgin heart to you.
How I wish my imagination and emotions had been stored just for you but in the blindness of desperation and youthful exuberance, I spent these things -things that would have really bonded us- I spent them on other people. I’m so sorry.
You know, I won’t say you were the woman I was praying for. Me, I was busily praying for a tall fair lady with dimples, really j33rh calves, and legs like Greek columns. I prayed for a woman who would be soft spoken and be able to pray like a lion. You are the exact opposite of these things on my prayer list.
However, I noticed something, when I met you. I felt my soul has found rest in you. Although you weren’t my prayer, you were the deep seated desire of my heart and I’m glad God knows us better than we know ourselves. This is one prayer I’m glad God didn’t answer.
You are the one I need. You make me a better person. I realise that all the things that I found attractive in other people, you’re an amalgamation of! I thank God for your life. So yeah, you were totally worth the wait, and I’m glad I endured all your skills. I love you deeply boo. You’re the best.
Aww, you’re so tired. Catch some rest yeah. I’ll be in the living room. I heard Liverpool won the premier league today because we beat Man Utd. I’m going to watch the highlights. Please allow me. We agreed that the only time I can watch football is when you’re asleep. Don’t worry. When you wake up tomorrow, I’d be cuddling you.